Charles Bronson travelogue. Slowest action picture you will ever come across. Director Peter Collinson forgets all he learned about tension from The Penthouse (1967) and action from The Italian Job (1969) and in trying to create a Turkish version of the visual delights of David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia (1962) comes a cropper, not least because he hasn’t counted on the dust resulting in endless scenes of men on horseback being obscured. There must be about 10-15 minutes of just travelling by horse, train and boat through boring scenery.
There’s an interesting story in here somewhere but you’ll need all your patience to stick with it. Soldiers of fortune Adam (Tony Curtis) and Josh (Charles Bronson) are the type of characters who buddy up one minute and stitch each other up the next. Their attitudes are ingrained from the outset – Josh robs shipwrecked Adam who takes revenge by stealing his boat. They team up to take advantage of the chaos ensuing in Turkey in 1922 following the collapse of the Ottoman Empire, setting themselves up as mercenaries before their small force of like-minded fellows, armed with Tommy guns, is hired by Governor Osman Bey (Gregoire Aslan) to escort a consignment of gold to Cairo. They soon discover that’s just a cover. The only gold on the gold bars is as much as it takes to provide a golden sheen to blocks of lead. There are actually more valuable prizes: Bey’s daughters and a trunk of priceless jewellery.
So far, they’ve beaten off various attacks, the submachine guns making short work of rebels armed only with rifles, and this looks as if it’s heading into fairly standard territory whereby the scoundrels will evade their captors and make off with the loot. But halfway through it does a U-turn. We discover that Adam is actually in the country to repossess one of his father’s ships lost in World War One. This is tweaked into an important plot point – the Turks have been blockaded by the Brits but a ship flying an American flag would be permitted safe passage.
Then it twists on its axis once again and we’re dropped into femme fatale land. The daughters are being escorted by the beautiful but wily Aila (Michele Mercier). She’s a step up from the usual two-timing female of the species. She’s a three-timer, attempting to woo in turn the governor, Adam and Josh. Actually, she returns to two-timing when she knifes the governor to death. And her plans go awry when Josh rejects her advances with a vicious slap.
Even so, he’s not averse to teaming up with her to betray Adam and make off with the loot. Adam, who has considered himself worldly wise, is furious and eventually traces Josh and Aila to the port of Smyrna.
It doesn’t end well, Josh and Adam are captured. But then it does end well. Aila, revealed as a spy, negotiates their freedom. After all, inadvertently, they helped her to transport the real treasure, an ancient Koran, while keeping the jewels for herself.
Leo Gordon (Tobruk, 1967) has penned a very wayward screenplay. Charles Bronson (Farewell, Friend, 1968) and Tony Curtis (The Boston Strangler, 1968) play well off each other, occasionally exchanging decent quips, with the kind of personalities that might congeal into an acceptable screen pairing, guys, while minus an honor code, who don’t stray into unacceptable behaviour. And it might have worked equally as well if the Michele Mercier (Angelique, 1964) strand had been introduced at the beginning and we had a three-way romantic dilemma. But director Collinson takes forever to get the two elements of the tale to mesh and wastes countless minutes, as previously noted, as our heroes laboriously grind their way towards their destination. The introduction of Mercier – sudden light catching her eyes in the darkness – is the only composition of note. And while Bronson and Curtis are a sparky pairing most of the time they flounder in an incomprehensible tale.
You can either catch this on YouTube and have your viewing interrupted by an advert every two minutes or on Amazon Prime where such interference is minimal.
The Magnificent 60s 
In the really good 1975 book(in terms of great info) CHARLES BRONSON:SUPERSTAR by Steven Whitney….reports that YOU CAN’ WIN’EM ALL(aka DUBIOUS PATRIOTS)was originally supposed to be directed by Howard Hawks. Bronson did not like the film at all. He said – ” In this case the responsibility for the film’s failure lies with the director. As for Curtis, he is one of those gifted actors who needs a good director to bring out the best of him on film. And this film, which I have not seen and never will see, needed a director more than anything else….It is not necessary to cheat. People pay to see me, to see Tony Curtis , and instead they get shit. It really isn’t honest. I do not like Mr. Collinson. When you sign a contract and agree to do a film, you see it through to the end and do the best you can.”
“Burt Kennedy was originally attached to direct the film, then titled The Dubious Patriots, according to a 21 Apr 1969 DV news item. On 2 Jul 1969, Var announced that Peter Collinson would direct instead of Kennedy, with Tony Curtis and Charles Bronson set to co-star. Three months of shooting were scheduled to take place entirely in Turkey, at locations in Ankara, Istanbul, Izmir, and Efes.
Principal photography began on 21 Jul 1969, as stated in a 1 Aug 1969 DV production chart. Five weeks of shooting in Istanbul, where locations included the Sait Halim Pasha Manor, were followed by a month of filming in Goreme, Turkey, the 10 Sep 1969 Var noted. On 22 Oct 1969, Var reported that production had recently been completed on schedule “despite a hex on the picture which produced two or three road deaths, and accidents to personnel and horses during shooting.” Tony Curtis was quoted in the 5 Nov 1969 Var as saying that filming in Turkey was “miserable.”
An item in the 15 Apr 1970 Var announced the title change to You Can’t Win ‘Em All. The picture opened on 24 Jul 1970 to largely negative reviews.”
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Raquel Welch was going to be the original female lead. Thanks once again.
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