Dwayne Johnson – The Magnificent 60s

The Smashing Machine (2025) ***

I’m sorry to have to break this to you but it’s a sob story. Top fighter loses in his bid to become world champion – in fact, he doesn’t come close. Sure, he recovers from addiction but his love life takes a beating because like any other careerist he’s too focused on job and the girlfriend is an unwelcome distraction.

Apart from that it’s a paean. But to the unknowns, the pioneers in a sport now worth billions. Admittedly, the rules keep changing so it’s hard to keep track – and our hero has joined the Japanese version of the UFC so he’s not even a god of the UFC – but basically the sport seems to consist of hauling your opponent to the canvas and then beating the daylights out of him until he taps out.

And we’re also into another risky trope – the movie equivalent of the comedian who wants to play Hamlet. We’ve had various iterations over the last few years (Demi Moore in The Substance, 2024, Pamela Anderson in The Last Showgirl, 2024) and here we’re served up global megastar Dwayne Johnson (Black Adam, 2022) with hair, a thin thatch on top, eyebrows and belatedly a little goatee.

And sure he’s light years away from his normal screen persona – as though that’s doesn’t take acting and is merely an extension of his WWE persona The Rock – and his Mark Kerr is certainly an interesting character, determined not to be riddled with doubts, keeping emotions at a distance and becoming addicted to painkillers. But there’s just not enough narrative for a gripping story. I’d never heard of Mark Kerr and I’ve never heard of the Japanese version of the UFC and director Benny Safdie (Uncut Gems, 2019) makes it hard for me to care.

A whole raft of supporting characters shuffle in and out, introduced only by an unseen commentator, whose voice strangely never rises to any peak of excitement and who comes across like he’s delivering a movie voiceover rather than being integral to the plot. So there’s a whole bunch of fights featuring characters who you’ve never heard of appearing for a minute or so.

The better story concerns Mark’s buddy, Mark Coleman (Ryan Bader), a family man and making a comeback.

But really this can’t make up its mind what approach to take – the blood and thunder a la Raging Bull (1980), the behind-the-scenes work a la Rocky (1975), or exploring a relationship set on edge by vulnerabilities, girlfriend Dawn (Emily Blunt), all cleavage and tight trousers, a walking touch-paper, oozing volatility. Mark Kerr was a former wrestler who transitioned into this sport, but there’s little attempt to explore the background in the way of The Iron Claw (2023).

Sometimes the wrong kind of hype can kill off a picture’s commercial prospects. Judging by the dismal opening weekend, the star’s built-in audience has opted out of a movie that features Johnson in a potentially Oscar-winning performance while the arthouse bunch, which would normally steer clear of any Johnson vehicle, has shown little interest in finding out whether he can act. Perhaps, more critically, the burgeoning UFC audience, preferring the overt to the subtle, has turned its nose up.

And the ironic thing is, yes, this would be an interesting performance, whoever played the character, because Mark Kerr isn’t your normal sportsman. But apart from his obvious emotional reticence revealed in scenes with his girlfriend, too much of his character is revealed in interviews with journalists rather than through the drama.

I don’t know where the dough went on this one. It cost $50 million but mostly takes place on confined sets. We are told that Mark Kerr fights in front of thousands of people but you barely see about fifty and way in the background.

Written by the director.

Interesting rather than involving.

The Red One (2024) ***

Santa Claus meets Die Hard might have worked well enough if it hadn’t been padded out with all sorts of other festive characters from the dark side of Xmas and a sludge of sentiment about an absent father reconnecting with his son. Can’t quite decide if it’s family-friendly or aiming for a queasier relationship with a Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice audience. And I suspect if Amazon had the courage of its theatrical convictions, it would made this a Xmas cinema release rather than chucking it into picture houses now and lining it up for a small-screen Xmas special.

Attempts to merge James Bond-style big budget thriller with underworld shenanigans conjuring up the kind of misfits who’d have been slung out of a Star Wars cantina while at the same time as making up the rules as it goes along. There’s a mix-and-match feel to the characters – we get Gryla, a mythical Icelandic monster, Krampus, a hairy devil of Germanic extraction who has his fun the night before Xmas, but is repurposed here as a Santa’s big bad brother, as well as a bunch of gargoyles who are way too easily distracted by a hen who they, mysteriously, can’t manage to catch, and then like a throwback to Transformers we get tiny Lego style figures who turn gigantic when let loose. You can stop snowmen in their tracks by whipping off their carrot noses.

Face-slapping is reinvented, shapeshifting is the game, and as if nobody had watched how badly Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire failed we’re back to a villain with icy superpowers. The giant polar bear featured – cousin to the armored bear in The Golden Compass (2007) – in the poster is underused. Not to mention that Xmas staple, the kids threatened with losing out on presents if they are naughty. None of this should work at all, but it does fairly well.

On the eve of said Mr Claus’s big night, he gets kidnapped. Bodyguard Callum (Dwayne Johnson), who turns out to be more than 500 years old, is on the trail and tracks down hacker Jack (Chris Evans) who’s sold Santa’s secret location to villain Gryla (Kieman Shipka), the ex- of Krampus’s (Kristofer Hivju), who wants to trap every night child in the world inside the kind of glass snow globe that was a traditional Xmas present. She’s manufactured these in the gazillions.

Callum and Jack team up though the latter’s not much use, his contribution to the double act consisting mainly of double takes and it’s only when he doesn’t take the opportunity to escape Krampus’s lair that he becomes one of the team. Mostly, it’s one bizarre situation after another and although at just over two hours it’s already outstaying its welcome it could have done with spending some more time on outlining the background and developing the fiendish characters. It’s a world that seems surprisingly undercooked given the mega budget. On the plus side – or perhaps the minus depending on your perspective – there’s a cuteness bypass. There’s a little too much time spent on – unsuccessfully – showing how Santa manages to get himself down every single chimney in the world in the space of a night including time to gobble down some treats. Would have done better to stick to the Santa hijack than include a technologically-improved Xmas.

*Xmas spirit missing in this previous red one.*

This didn’t need the presence of Dwayne Johnson (Black Adam, 2022) and certainly Chris Evans (The Gray Man, 2022) is wasted but with the MCU world closing its doors on both actors, perhaps this is an attempt to set up a new series. As Mr Claus, J.K. Simmons (Juror #2, 2024) isn’t in it long enough. Jake Kasdan (Jumanji, The Next Level, 2019) directed from a script by Chris Morgan (Shazam! Fury of the Gods, 2023) and Hiram Garcia (Jumaji, The Next Level).

Not as bad as I expected.

Jungle Cruise (2021) **** – Seen At The Cinema

Can’t believe this romp is getting such sniffy reviews. But the reason is simple enough. Critics don’t watch it with an audience (except possibly of other critics) – on Rotten Tomatoes critics scored this at 63% while audiences rated it 93%. I saw it as part of my Monday Night Cinema Double Bill – along with Suicide Squad which critics adored. But while I thought Suicide Squad was a blast and very original, I laughed more at Jungle Cruise and I was much more involved. The difference – Suicide Squad is slick and cynical with hardly a single empathetic character, which is an easier target these days, but Jungle Cruise goes for something more difficult to achieve, a genuine warm-hearted movie that doesn’t disappear into romantic slush.

Sure, Jungle Cruise recycles not just Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – which itself recycled just about everything – but Ghost (1990), Highlander (1986), The African Queen (1951), Romancing the Stone (1984) and Pirates of the Caribbean (2003), but I don’t think that took away from its originality. The story made sense and the clues involved in the treasure hunt aspect of the picture were well worked out, delivering quite a few surprises. But mostly, there was terrific charisma between Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt.

Roguish Frank Wolff (Dwayne Johnson), with a line in lame jokes (which, by the way, had the audience roaring), operates an Amazon river cruise before the First World War where most of what the passengers see is manufactured. Explorer and accomplished burglar Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) mistakes him for riverboat magnate Nilo (Paul Giametti) but after Frank saves her from a tiger (his tame beast, it turns out) she hires him to find a fabled treasure. Also in the hunt are ruthless German Prince Joachim (Jesse Plemons) and Spaniard Aguirre (Edgar Ramirez).

Both Wolff and Houghton are given great opening scenes, he proving what a con man he is, she more than capable in a man’s world, where such is the antipathy to female archaeologists that her brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall) has to deliver her lecture for her. There’s action by the bucketload, quite a few Indiana Jones-type escapes, shooting the rapids, encounters with dangerous animals – snakes, piranha fish etc – and natives. Prince Joachim has one hell of a river vessel and quite a few tricks up his sleeve. It’s not just that the pace never lets up, but it is generally delivered with verve.

Interestingly, there is a nod towards diversity in that MacGregor is gay, a fact accepted by Wolff. Equally interesting, MacGregor has a pivotal transitional moment as his character starts out in one mode and ends in another. And Lily gives the finger to the male-dominated academic world.

Paul Giamatti (TV’s Billions, 2016-2021) only has a small part but it’s a delight to see him make any big screen appearance at all and Jesse Plemons (Judas and the Black Messiah, 2021) takes on the rather unusual role of the German bad guy. Even though Edgar Ramirez (Yes Day, 2021) spends most of the movie in disguise one way or another, his intensity still shines through.

Jaume Collet-Sera made his name directing Liam Neeson thrillers like Unknown (2011) – one of my favorite pictures – and Non-Stop (2014), Run All Night (2015) and The Commuter (2018) but this is a big step up not just in terms of budget and the occasionally complex story line but also in the romance and comedy elements and in my eyes he more than delivers. Michael Green (Blade Runner 2049, 2017), Glen Ficarra (Focus, 2013) and John Requa (The Bad News Bears, 2005) all had a hand in the screenplay and James Newton Howard (News of the World, 2020) has written a great score.

I’ve no idea whether Jungle Cruise has anything in common with the ride at the Disney theme park and I didn’t care. This is not just great family viewing but for audiences of all ages who just want to be – wait for it – entertained. But Disney may well have shot itself in the foot by streaming this at the same time as opening it in cinemas for I bet you this will get terrific word-of-mouth and they should have let it sit in cinemas for months to gather the benefits. An ideal summer movie of the old-fashioned kind.